Pick it Up Again
by GreyLiliy
Summary: Tag Fic. Shinigami’s Wrath, Nimblnymph, GreyLiliy and Redbrunja. The Saiyuki boys are snowed in and bored, what's a team to do but to resort to telling stories?
1. Prologue

**Pick it Up Again**

_ Prologue  
Author:_ GreyLiliy  
_Author Notes:_ Hey! The project has finally gotten underway! Thanks in advance for all of you joining us for this new project. Myself, Shinigami's Wrath, Nimblnymph, and Redbrunja hope you enjoy!

-----

**Prologue**

"Sanzo! This really sucks!" Goku whined out as he flung himself over the table in the middle of the room. Hakkai was playing solitaire off in a corner and Gojyo was sulking. Goku was mystified how they could all be taking their current predicament so well. He hadn't eaten in over five hours and he was _starving_. Goku wasn't sure how much longer he could last in this condition. "I'm hungry!"

"You're always hungry, you stupid ape. Shut your mouth and let me have some peace!" Sanzo slammed his paper down on the table as it was no use to him anyway when he was so distracted. They had been more or less snowed in since they got to this miserable little town, as if it wasn't just their luck. To put it bluntly, they were stuck in an empty shack in the middle of nowhere with no food, booze or smokes. All Sanzo wanted to do is sit and read and try and forget he was even here. The other idiots had no intention to cooperate however and as usual it was driving their leader insane.

"Goku," Hakkai walked up behind the smaller boy and smiled softly. It might have been in everyone's interest if the more rational member of the group calmed him down before Sanzo snapped. The other man seemed to be suffering from a headache, among the other trials of withdrawal. "Why don't you go to sleep? That way when you wake up there's a good chance the snow will be light enough that we can move on to the next town."

"But it's three in the afternoon." Goku grumbled. He knew Hakkai was trying to be nice, but that didn't fill the giant void in his stomach. "I'm not tired."

"I know, but maybe if you lie down you'll get tired." Goku proceeded to glare at him with a cute little pout of defiance and Hakkai sighed. Trying a different tactic, he turned to see how the other member of their party was fairing. Maybe he could get them to do something together to alleviate the boredom. "Gojyo, you're awfully quiet over there. Are you alright?"

"Peachy." Gojyo muttered. He felt like shit if anyone cared to know how he really felt. Much like their cranky leader, the water sprite had run out of cigarettes about four hours ago and the withdrawal was hitting pretty bad. Moving just wasn't an option no matter what the others said so he was going stay right here sprawled out on the bed. If the others had a problem about it, well too bad. "Just freaking peachy."

"Well, maybe you'll feel better if you and Goku…"

"Give it a rest, Hakkai." Sanzo licked his teeth as he leant his head on his hand. Outside the window there was a soft layer of snow falling on the ground. It would have been pretty if the snow wasn't piled halfway up the window and obstructing the view. At least the blizzard had stopped. If they were lucky the snow might be melted by tomorrow morning. "Stop being a mother for five minutes and let us sit in peace."

"I don't wanna' sit, I wanna' eat!" Goku continued his whining despite the very obvious consequences of such an action. Hunger was affecting his brain. "Ow! Sanzo!"

"I told you to shut the hell up!" The monk growled from his position above the younger boy's head brandishing the white fan. The brat just never learned! Slamming the fan back down on the table, Sanzo returned to his seat. Returning to his paper he gave his last order of the night. "Now sit down and be quiet!"

"Didn't have to hit so hard."

Hakkai shook his head as the younger boy buried his head in his hands as Gojyo continued to ignore them as well. Hakkai made the assumption that there was no helping the current state of the party. The older demon walked quietly over to the bench in the room and sat down next to Jeep who had been napping. Patting the tiny white dragon on the head he reached in his pack for a book he had started last week. Might as well make the best of their time as they sit trapped. "Oh, Gojyo have you seen my book? It doesn't seem to be in my pack."

"That one with the old tattered cover?" Gojyo leaned up on his elbow as he watched Hakkai rumble through the old tote.

"Yes, the blue one I was reading yesterday that I got in the last town." Hakkai frowned as he emptied the contents of the bag on the bench, careful to avoid Jeep. "I was looking forward to finishing it."

"Nope, haven't seen it. Maybe you left it in the last town or something."

"That's impossible, I had it yesterday when we were driving, I'm sure of it." Hakkai paused after confirming it was indeed not with the rest of his belongings. "Sanzo, have you seen it?"

"It's none of my concern what you do with your things." Sanzo spoke absent mindedly, but after feeling Hakkai glare at him through the back of his head he coughed a little. "No, I haven't seen it."

"Goku?"

"Sorry, Hakkai." Goku peaked up from his arms. "I don't even remember you reading it."

"That is so odd, I wonder where it could have gone."

"What was it about?" Goku perked up a little as Hakkai began putting things back into the bag.

"The book?" Hakkai looked up from his things to see Goku staring at him avidly. Well, if it got the boy's mind off of food for a little bit there was no harm in pausing his search for the book in question. It might even prove to be entertaining. "It's a an adventure novel."

"Adventure?" Goku grinned a little. The book was sounding good already. "That's so cool! What happens in the story?"

"Well, it starts off with a young man who wants to make his way in the world. You see he's from a very small town and has been left alone his whole life. He wants to see the world and meet as many people as he can, so he heads out on his first real adventure." Hakkai picked up Jeep as the little dragon started cooing next to him. Settling the tiny creature in his lap, Hakkai continued. "But as he heads out home he gets caught up with three very suspicious people sitting on the side of the road."

Gojyo smirked and turned over in the bed to face the wall. Hakkai was a piece of work telling a story like that. "Let me guess, a blonde, a red head and a brunette?"

Hakkai grinned as Gojyo caught on. He should have expected no less, and no doubts Sanzo had noticed as well. "Oh, have you read it too, Gojyo? Then again it's not surprising if you had known about three lovely ladies such as these from instinct alone"

"Ladies?" Gojyo coughed and rolled over to face that smiling bastard. How dare he? "Why you, little."

"Gojyo!" Goku growled. "Hakkai's telling the story, shut up you stupid water sprite."

"You shut it monkey!"

"Both of you shut the hell up."

At the sound of Sanzo's quiet threat, both Goku and Gojyo knew it would be in their best interest to keep quiet. Hakkai chuckled quietly to himself as he watched Sanzo lean his head on the window. "Maybe I should continue then."

"Yeah!" Goku turned away from the water sprite quickly as Hakkai straightened himself out to continue. Hearing a story beat staring at the wall any day. "What were their names?"

"Well the young man, Kugo, found himself in the company of a Ms. Zosan, Ms. Kaiha, and the pretty Ms. Jyogo." Hakkai smiled innocently as he watched the hairs on both Gojyo and Sanzo sit on end. It was going to prove to be an entertaining evening.

"Well! What happened next, Hakkai?"

"Yes, do tell, teacher." Gojyo muttered. He'd find some way to get back at Hakkai for this if it killed him.

"Idiots." Sanzo sighed and thumped his head on the window. His fingers twitched as he longed for his pack of Marlboros, but he couldn't help but be slightly amused. He wondered when Goku would catch on to Hakkai's little joke.

Goku flipped his chair around so he could lean his arms and head on the back in a more comfortable position. "Hakkai, stop leaving us in suspense. Did Kugo go with the ladies? Or did he keep walking?"

"Well, listen closely and I'll tell you."


	2. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1_

_Author:_ Nimblnymph

_Author Notes:_ -

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**Chapter 1**

Once upon a time, in a small town in the northern area of China, there lived a small boy by the name of Kugo. Actually, he lived on a small hill over looking the town… but he still considered his little place in the world a part of the one below. Kugo was a cheerful child with a perky disposition. He was very strong, kind hearted and insisted on seeing the good in every person, whether they wanted him to or not. He had only two faults though, if they could even be considered faults. One was his unquenchable curiousity. The other was his deep desire for adventure.

Now, these characteristics alone were not at all bad things. However, when combined with Kugo's penchant for getting into trouble (completely not of his own doing, of course), this could be a disastrous thing.

-----

"Wow... Kugo sounds really cool," Goku said in a hushed, awed voice. His arms were folded on the table now, with his head resting on them. He was giving Hakkai round, eager eyes as the excitement of the story began to take over. Gojyo rolled his eyes and rolled back over on the bed so that his back was to the room. Sanzo shook his head, his reflection in the window glass mirroring the action perfectly.

Hakkai smiled, pleased to no end that Goku was not only interested in the 'story' but also completely oblivious to the little joke so far. Now, to get the other two into this… "Yes, Kugo was a wonderful young man, Goku," he continued. "In fact, he was so wonderful…"

… That the towns people couldn't stand him.

"What?" Goku blinked, sitting straight up in his chair in shock. "But… Hakkai, I don't get it. Why wouldn't they like Kugo?"

"Well… they were afraid of Kugo and how wonderful he was," Hakkai replied with a friendly little shrug.

"But why? What did he ever do to them?" the boy insisted with a small scowl and eyes tinged with anger at people that, technically speaking, didn't exist.

"They didn't understand him," Sanzo said softly from the window. Hakkai turned to give the monk a look over his shoulder. Violet eyes met his back through the glass.

Hakkai gave Sanzo a soft smile before saying, "I see you've read the book as well, Sanzo?"

"I didn't recognize it until you started."

"Ah. Then perhaps you could explain why the townsfolk didn't understand Kugo?"

Sanzo remained silent for so long Hakkai thought that perhaps the blonde was going to ignore him. He was about to resume the story himself when Sanzo spoke again, voice still soft and a little distant in quality. "They were afraid of Kugo because he was unnaturally strong."

Goku's brow furrowed for a second as he took that in. Slowly, the thoughtful expression began to relax again into one of extreme interest. "Okay… I get it. Cuz he was stronger than all of them, so they were afraid of him. Is that right, Sanzo?"

"Something like that," the monk muttered as he reached for cigarettes that weren't there. His teeth ground together in frustration as his hands curled into tight, stressed fists.

"Anyway," Hakkai continued, taking the physical cues from Sanzo that he was done for now with the 'story'. "One day, young Kugo…"

-----

… Woke up to a horrible, horrible sight. The sun was shining through the creases in the shutters, birds were cawing and cackling outside… and a horrid smell he'd never experienced before. It made his nose wrinkle in distaste as he sat up slowly from the bed. Kugo stepped into his shoes, threw a coat on over his pajamas and opened his door cautiously to the outside world.

What is saw there nearly made him fall to his knees in terror. The entire village was destroyed. Ugly, blackened smoke curled up through the sky, letting the destruction below filter through to his stunned sight. He could see the town people he had cared about laying dead in the streets. Birds were already circling overhead, trying to fight through the spoke to get to the rotting, bloated flesh below.

What had happened? Who had done this? It had obviously happened during the night, but why hadn't he heard anything? Kugo ran toward the town, sobbing the entire way. His first breath when he reached the town limits made him choke as the acrid smoke and sickly rotting smell burned into his throat and lungs. He tucked his mouth and nose into his shirt collar and continued on, searching desperately for any survivors.

-----

"But who did it, Hakkai? An' why would they do that to Kugo's town?" Goku's voice was soft with worry, his head resting on the table again and all his attention glued on Hakkai.

"Be patient, Goku. I'm getting there. Kugo began searching the town…"

-----

… But to no avail. Not a single man, woman, child or animal had been left alive. Whoever had done this had obviously meant for no survivors to be left. What he did find was a scrap of fabric that had once been attached to a pole. This scrap of fabric was, in fact, a flag. And this flag came from a village to the far east, a notoriously warlike clan who have conquered most of the east through pure terror and brute strength.

Kugo fell to his knees and began to wail. His poor town had fallen victim to this ferocious clan, and he hadn't even known it. With his strength, he could have possibly saved them! He cried and cried until the tears wouldn't come, he could barely breathe because his throat was sore and his eyes stung from the saltiness that had scoured them. Slowly, he stood up and began the long, hard task of burying the dead.

It took him two days and two nights to complete, but he finally managed the impossible task. He collapsed on the second night out of sheer exhaustion and woke on the morning of the third day after the attack with a resolute mind; he would find whoever did this and get revenge for the slaughter of his town. So, having decided that, Kugo stood and went back to his small house on the hill and packed for his journey. He gathered what food he had in the house, a small knife and a stone to sharpen it on and a beautifully made club that had belonged to his father before he had died. Kugo dressed in his most sturdy clothing and began his long journey.

He took the road heading east, his mouth pressed in a grim line as he marched determinedly toward the eastern clan. He walked many, many miles, stopping only twice along the way to rest his weary feet. The scenery began to change slowly from the lush, rolling grasses of his own town to carefully cultivated fields of rice and wheat. Wagons pulled by weary horses rumbled by on the dirt road, ignoring Kugo completely as he trudged onward.

It was a little after the noon hour when Kugo noticed three travelers coming down the road in his direction. Three ladies, all of them of almost the same height and relatively the same age, and they were arguing amongst themselves. One was a blonde carrying a rather heavy looking purple purse. Another was a dark brunette with a little white dog in her arms. And the third was a red head with smoke coming from her mouth.

-----

"Smoke? You mean she was smokin'?" Goku wrinkled his nose at that. "Are you _sure_ you're tellin' the story right? Cuz Kugo doesn't seem like the typa guy who'd wanna go near a smoker." There was a snort from the direction of the window, but the glass was too dark now to reflect Sanzo's expression. It could only be assumed the monk was smiling again.

Hakkai frowned as he unfolded his hands from the table top to adjust his monocle. "Why, I'm fairly certain that's correct. She wasn't smoking a cigarette, Goku. Every time she spoke, there was smoke that came from her mouth."

"But why?"

Green eyes flickered over to the bed as Gojyo shifted and muttered something that didn't sound appropriate for polite company. It sounded a bit like 'cock sucking, smarmy bastard'... but then again, he could be certain seeing as it was muttered. "Anyway, Goku, about these three ladies," Hakkai continued a little louder to drown out Gojyo's mumbled insults. Oh, he would get even, no doubt about that. And he would do so with words. "Kugo decided they weren't that threatening. Oh, sure, they were a bit outlandish, but over all they seemed rather unconcerned with him..."

-----

They continued to argue as he approached them, the blonde glaring fit to kill at the red head while the poor brunetter remained stuck between them.

"I'm telling you, North is THIS way," the red head screeched, pointing in a southernly direction.

"And I'm telling you it's not," the blonde shouted back. "North is THAT way!" She gestured angrily in a westernly direction.

"Or maybe we should all agree that we're just lost?" the brunette offered as a compromise. The dog in her arms yipped in agreement with this very wise advice.

The glares turned on the brunette were ones that would terrify even a dragon into submission. Kugo himself was momentarily afraid of them, and they weren't even glaring at him!

"Well, if _someone's _mutt hadn't eaten the map," the red head shrilled. "We would have been half way toward the Eastern Clan by now and putting a stop to all this murdering!"

"Well, if _someone_ had remembered to buy poor Peje food in the next town, she wouldn't have been starving enough to eat the map. Or our spare clothing. Or our extra shoes," the brunette insisted as pleasantly as possible.

"You told me to get OUR food! You said nothing about the dog's!"

"By 'our food', it was implied that Peje's was to be included."

The red head rolled her eyes and turned her back to her other companions, crossing her arms over her rather flat chest.

-----

Hakkai smirked as Gojyo's head snapped up at that. Crimson eyes gave him a truly impressive glare before his head flopped back on the pillow and the muttering grew a little louder. He was positive this time that a couple 'son of a bitches', one 'thinks he's so goddamn clever' and a sprinkling of 'fucks' was there that time. Hmm... maybe just a little more punishment was in order...

-----

Kugo finally stepped up to the three ladies, just as the blonde was beginning to swing her purple purse back to apparently use it to beat the red head up. He cleared his throat, and that heavy looking purse stopped mid swing as three pairs of eyes turned on the young boy. "Excuse me, ladies, but North is this direction," Kugo volunteered, pointing back the way he had just come.

The brunetter's eyes narrowed thoughtfully as she looked around the area they were currently standing in. "That way? Are you sure?" she asked. The dog's head tilted to the side as if questioning Kugo's directional sense as well.

Kugo nodded certainly as he pointed again down the road he was walking along. "Yes, I'm sure. But there's no reason to go that way. There's not a village for at least another twenty miles."

"That's not true at all," the blonde argued as she tucked her purse back up on her shoulder. "There _is_ a town nearby, and we're on our way to it."

His heart, which he'd though had sunk as low as it could, finally dropped all the way to the ground and shattered. He knew the ladies were talking about his own recently destroyed town. It was one of the last stops on the lonely trail leading north. Sadly, he shook his head and bravely choked back his tears as he said, "No, there's not. It was destroyed by the Eastern Clan just last night. I'm the only survivor."

The three ladies were silent at this, all of them obviously shocked by the devastating news. Kugo wiped his nose and waited for them to say something. It was the blonde who spoke to him again, but her question took him completely off guard. "Are you Kugo, the boy with incredible strength?"

Kugo blinked, his jaw dropping as this woman, whom he couldn't recall ever meeting, said his name. "Er... yes, that's me. Do I know you?"

"No... but I know you. You're the one we've been looking for."

-----

"Whoa... that's creepy! They were lookin' for Kugo all along?"

Hakkai nodded at Goku's awed expression. "Yes, apparently Kugo was more famous than he'd realized. He had no idea that the few townfolk who traveled outside the limits of their small corner of the earth spoke of him with great fear and jealousy to others. Merchants carried the stories of Kugo's feats far and why, and those stories were in turn repeated in crowded common rooms over pints of ale. Kugo had a reputation, albeit one based largely on myth and hearsay."

"An' that's how these women knew Kugo? But why were they lookin' for him?"

"That's exactly what Kugo asked them."

-----

"Why are you looking for me?" Kugo asked, his finers curling tighter over his club. "What do you want from me?"

"We want you to travel with us to the Eastern Clan," the blonde explained, her eyes watching the club Kugo held warily. "We are journeying to destroy the evil Queen who has been slaughtering innocent people everywhere. When word reached us of a boy named Kugo with fantastical strength, we knew we had to find you and convince you to join us."

"And who are you?" Kugo may have been a simple country boy, but he wasn't a fool. He didn't trust anyone until he knew their names at least.

"My name is Zosan. This is Kaiha and Jyogo." Kaiha was the brunette, who offered a cheery wave to Kugo. Jyogo was the red head who gave Kugo a disbelieving look.

"This little boy's the great and fantastically strong Kugo?" she asked mockingly. "I think the bleach you use on your hair is finally getting to your brain, Zosan!"

"And I think you should really learn to be quiet when you're first told, Jyogo," Zosan snapped. Her hand began to reach for that strange purple bag she carried on her shoulder.

Jyogo's face paled when she saw where the other woman's hand was going and she instantly backed down with a nervous laugh. The smoke curled in the air around her, carrying a smell not unlike that of burning wood.

-----

"So... she's got really smelly breath?" Goku snickered at the thought. He shifted in his chair, tucking his legs up on the seat as he waited for Hakkai to continue with the story.

There was an irritated growl from the bed and creaking protest from the springs as Gojyo shifted around. Apparently, the bed wasn't all that accomodating for the kappa. It _definately_ had nothing to do with Jyogo's smelly breath.

"Having trouble getting comfortable, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked innocently. His gaze slid sideways as another sharp growl came from his friend.

"Yeah, it's damned impossible for a fella to get any sleep with you two girls gossiping," Gojyo snapped.

Hakkai smiled and carefully kept his chuckle in check. It seemed his plan was working perfectly for the red head as well. Time to take this 'story' up a notch.

Goku frowned, picking his head up from the table to study with a sudden wariness to his expression. "Uh... Hakkai?"

"Hm?"

"You've got that scary smile on your face."

Hakkai's pleasant laugh did nothing to relieve Goku. Something had obviously pissed the other man off royally, and judging by that smile and laugh he was gonna get revenge for it in true Hakkai Form. Oh... soooo not good for whoever did it! "Well, needless to say..."

-----

Kugo was, true to his character, very curious about these three ladies. It was strange that fate had given them the common goal of going east to try and put an end to the evil Queen. But how could three strange women help him in his quest, especially one so plain looking as Jyogo?

-----

"PLAIN?!" Gojyo choked out, sitting upright in bed. Hakkai's response to the indignant red head was a pleasant smile and innocently blank eyes. Apparently, combined with the lack of breasts, Jyogo being plain was the final straw for the kappa. "The HELL she was plain!"

Hakkai pretended to think that over, making a big show of searching his 'memory' for a description of Jyogo. After a bit in which Goku waited eagerly, his smile flashed cheerfully as he gave an innocent shrug and said, "I'm fairly certain Ms.Jyogo was a most plain creature, Gojyo. Certainly not as pretty as Ms. Kaiha, that's for sure."

"That's because Jyogo isn't pretty. She's fucking hot!" Gojyo insisted fiercely.

"Well, without my book to check, I can't confirm that."

"Screw you, man, your memory sucks! I read that same damn book, and I'm tellin' you you've got it wrong."

Goku's face scrunched into a disbelieving expression as the kappa rose from the bed and came to sit at the table with the two of them. Hakkai chose then to get up and stretch his legs a little. He also thought some tea would be a good idea, just to give him a chance to regain his composure. It wouldn't do to burst out laughing and ruin the story, now would it? "Yeah, liked I'd believe you'd read a book, you stupid watersprite," the boy chimed in.

"Of course I've read this book! Why wouldn't I wanna read about the amazingly sexy Jyogo?" Gojyo demanded indignantly. Hakkai bit his lower lip hard as he dug through his pack for the remaining herbal tea he had.

"Sanzo, would you care for some tea?" he asked.

"Is it caffeinated?" the monk practically groaned from the window.

"Sorry, but we're out of that. But you know, decaffeinated products are only about ninety-eight percent clean. There's still that two percent of caffeine that remains."

Sanzo actually lifted his head from the window to give Hakkai a nearly desperate look. "Two percent?"

Hakkai nodded his confirmation of this.

"Fine, give it to me. It's better than nothing."

"Yeah, then get your ass back here to tell about the stunningly attractive Jyogo and her many exploits," Gojyo ordered as he flicked his lighter open and closed irritably. He scowled at Hakkai's back as the other man began to hum while he made the tea. Smart assed, cocky bastard... thought he could get away with making _his_ female counter part a dog...

"So, what you're saying then is that Jyogo's a slut?" Sanzo commented unexpectedly as he resettled his perch on the window ledge. All three turned to look at the blonde, shocked that not only was he joining in but that he was actually doing it with a joke. Violet eyes glinted a little above a triumphant smirk as Gojyo nearly dropped his lighter on the table. Hakkai sighed inwardly, pleased that his little trick was starting to finally cut through the caffeine and nicotine deprivation of their esteemed 'leader'.

Goku wrinkled his nose at the blonde's comment and shouted, "EWWW! Gross, Hakkai, what kinda book IS this? An' why would Kugo hang out with a skank? That's just nasty!"

"Hey, Jyogo's not a skank, you damned stupid monkey!" Gojyo shouted angrily. His crimson eyes snapped a glare as Sanzo chuckled under his breath. Hakkai cringed in the small kitchen area at the use of language but remained silent. If it meant everyone was finally doing more than moping around, he would take a little foul verbage as payment. "Just because she happens to be popular with the ladies-,"

"Oh, so she's a lesbian then," Hakkai joined in with a particularly sweet smile as he set up two chipped mugs with tea bags. That smile was the most evil thing Gojyo had ever seen in his entire life. "I must have a terribly poor memory indeed for not remembering Ms. Jyogo being gay."

"She likes GIRLS?!" Goku howled as he rocked back in his chair so hard he almost toppled over. He quickly scrabbled for a hold on the table, hauling his seat into its correct position. "Holy crap... Hakkai, please tell me Gojyo's lyin' about all this!"

"Seeing as I apparently don't remember the story as well as I thought, perhaps you should ask Gojyo to continue it for you?" Hakkai suggested in tones dripping with poisoned sugar.

Goku's eager eyes turned on Gojyo, who was busy trying to see if he really could kill the green eyed man with a glare. Damn it... no luck! Gojyo's lip curled upward a little at Hakkai's cleverness before his eyes met round, excited golden ones. "What?" he snapped.

"Well? Aren't ya gonna continue the story? Although, if it really _is_ about Jyogo bein' nasty, then maybe I don't wanna hear it," Goku said.

"Hey, lay off with the nasty comments! Jyogo's not a slut and she's not a lesbian. She's a... she's..."

Sanzo smirked as he finally took up the chair across from Gojyo, slouching down enough so that he could stretch his legs out and cross them at the ankles. This actually could prove to be amusing as hell. How the fuck was Gojyo going to dig his feminine persona out of the hole he'd been cornered into. "She's a what, kappa?" he taunted.

Gojyo's jaw snapped shut as he pinned Sanzo with a cold look. "How about you keep your damn mouth shut so I can tell you, monk?"

With an arch of his brow and a wave to continue, Sanzo did just that. He shut his mouth to hear what kind of bullshit Gojyo would come up with. Oh... the pleasures of blackmail!


	3. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

_Author:_ Shinigami's Wrath

_Author Notes:_ -

-----

**Chapter 2**

With the anger directed at Sanzo and his bloody smart ass comments expended, Gojyo uncharacteristically licked his lips. The damn monkey's eyes were about dinner plate in diameter as he stared at Gojyo expectantly. Damnit, now how the hell was he going to get out of this? He just didn't want his _person_ to be plain, and Hakkai was being harsh in that respect. Usually the brown haired man was very fastidious, polite and didn't tramp all over people's insecurities. Fastidious. Polite. That was _IT!_ He grinned saucily and rolled up into a sitting position on the bed with a flourish.

"Well, we're waiting, kappa." Sanzo ground out, the thrall of Hakkai's story was beginning to fade and certain 'symptoms' were beginning to make their presence known. His fingers itched for a pack of Reds.

Gojyo noticed Sanzo's twitchy fingers and grinned. Call his character a slut, huh? They'll see. "Now, now, Mr. High and Mighty, don't get your _panties_ in a bunch. The secret to telling a good tale is having enough patience to do so." He ignored the murderous glare shot at him from under blonde bangs. He looked thoughtful, "And since Hakkai obviously cannot remember the correct way of the book, I need to make sure that I do." Gojyo inwardly was thrilled to see Hakkai's smarmy smile slip just a bit. He cleared his throat dramatically and took a breath "Well then…

**-----**

Kugo was puzzled by the appearance of these ladies, and was shocked that they shared the common goal of overthrowing the evil Queen from the East. But he was a laid-back sort and decided that having the three women around would be kind of handy. First off there was Kaiha, who wanted to do nothing but cook for young Kugo. Zosan was the aloof type, but soon was hovering and mothering Kugo as if he were a young lord of the land. Kugo felt nothing but sympathy for the plain Jyogo so he would let the poor maiden go about her business and do what she wanted.

**-----**

Gojyo was pleased at punch to see that Hakkai and completely lost the smile that had slipped earlier. He thought he had heard Sanzo mutter "hovering my ass" at the comment of the lady Zosan smothering Kugo. Gojyo couldn't hold back a snigger.

"What's so funny, Gojyo?" Goku asked innocently. "Does Kugo do something funny to the weird girl Jyogo? Cuz that would be funny!"

Gojyo lost his smile. He heard Sanzo snort in what could be construed as a laugh. "Can it, chimp. Who read the book here, you or me? Yeah, that's what I thought." The red-head shot a quelling glare in Hakkai's direction then turned a benevolent smile on the avid listener of this horse-shit tale. Who knew ragging on each other could be so fun, specially when the monkey so far hasn't realized it yet? "Jyogo was a poor…"

"excuse of a woman?" Sanzo muttered.

Gojyo glared darkly at the peanut gallery that consisted of Sanzo, Hakkai, and Jeep. But he continued doggedly,**"**…understood girl who wanted nothing but to have a good friend to call her own. People usually saw the smoke, and her," Gojyo grit his teeth, "_plain_ features and kept their distance. Since Kugo gave her space as well, this saddened the girl as they traveled. She would camp by herself, eat alone, and speak only when spoken to.

"Wouldn't that be a nice change." Hakkai asked softly to himself.

"What?" Goku looked at Hakkai, "a nice change from what?"

Gojyo looked from where Hakkai sat to where Goku had that puzzled look on his face only reserved for menu perusing, meaning the kid was frantically trying to figure out what really was going on. Gojyo frowned and looked back the dark haired demon who merely shrugged and gave the red-head a look of "oh well, it was fun while it lasted'. Gojyo shook his head vehemently, Hakkai was _not_ going to deprive Mr. Sha Gojyo of his revenge. He stuck two fingers in his mouth and whistled shrilly, long and loud. And reveled in the sight of everyone clap their hands over their ears.

"Fucking Christ, kappa, what the hell was that for?" Sanzo swore explosively. Even jeep mewled in agony and buried his head in Hakkai's sash.

Gojyo smiled innocently and shrugged himself. "I merely wanted to make sure everyone was paying attention, is all."

Goku had whipped his head back from his concentration to focus on Gojyo once more. "So, what is it with Miss Smelly Breath Lady?" Goku asked.

Gojyo flinched; he was going to have to do something about his character's halitosis problem. "Well…because everyone left Jyogo alone, she got used to being alone and doing what she wanted. As they traveled the girl's habits revealed themselves to Kugo. For one, Kaiha wasn't the neatest person than as she presented herself. Kugo had to constantly pick up after the absent-minded cook. And her little dog Peje was a terror and chewed through Kugo's favorite tunic."

Goku didn't see or hear the indignant grunts of both Hakkai and even the dragon. "That wasn't very nice of Peje! Did Kugo scold it?"

Gojyo smiled, revenge was so sweet. "Oh yes, in fact, Peje had to spend the night in the hall way at the inn they stayed at. The next problem arose when it came to dinner time."

Goku gasped, "What happened?"

Gojyo shot him a look, "Hold on five seconds and I'll tell ya kid, sheesh. A guy can't even get a word out edgewise."

**-----**

They had been traveling for a couple weeks when they had happened upon the inn where poor Peje had to spend his exile in the hall. They had all chosen to get cleaned up before dinner and when they were all ready, they went to the dining room and sat down. Kugo was a growing boy and had a large appetite. He eagerly looked over the menu in order to see what the inn had to offer. His excitement was spoiled by none other than Zosan, who verbally attacked the waiter as soon as he came up to the table and began ordering everything on the menu.

"Are you that hungry, Miss Zosan?" Kugo asked softly, striving for politeness in the face of such rude gluttony.

"Yeah! All these fucking days eating nothing but camp rations, I'm starving!" Zosan demanded and called rudely for tea to be brought.

Kugo looked at the lady askance and returned to his menu after a time. His gaze strayed to the other two girls and he noticed that Jyogo was calmly perusing the menu, and Kaiha, well, she was holding her dog. White hair was strewn liberally across the bodice of her hunter green dress, which was wrinkled and covered in dust from travel. Kugo figured she must not have had any other dresses to wear so while her hair was wet from cleaning up, she used the same one from earlier. Kugo sadly shook his head and looked again to the quiet Jyogo. He began to notice that she was not as plain as he had first thought. In comparison to the other two, she was beginning to look a lot better. She was cleaned up, wore a fresh dress, one that displayed her form to its best advantage. She neither clamored for food or drink, nor played with animals at the dinner table. As Kugo looked at her, Jyogo sensed someone was staring and looked up. When seeing it was Kugo, she gave a small grin and a wink.

**-----**

"Jyogo doesn't sound so bad after all." Goku piped up. "and really not like a les…a…well, you know." Goku blushed. "It sounds like she likes Kugo, does she, Gojyo?"

"Yeah, tell us, _Master_ storyteller. Does _she_ like Kugo?" Sanzo's voice was rough with sarcasm.

"I do not believe Kaiha was that disorderly in the book, Gojyo." Hakkai's voice was stern.

Gojyo didn't look at the two disgruntled men; he didn't think he would be able to keep his poker face. "Oh, Hakkai, it seems you forget more than the attractiveness of Jyogo in this story. Are you sure you read the book?"

"Well _you_ keep referring to her as plain as well." The reply was shot back from where the monk was sitting.

"So I am. I am merely sticking to the correct story. You had the initial right of it, Kugo thought her plain as soon as they had met, however…"

**-----**

After the debacle of ordering dinner with the glutton and the slob, as Kugo now thought of Zosan and Kaiha, he began to see Jyogo in a new light. He began to think of her as an older sister, and wanted to spend more time with the quiet woman. The other two still groveled to Kugo, on whose shoulders they thought the salvation of the world rode on. But with her freedom and the fact that she treated him no different because of his extraordinary strength he kept being drawn to her quiet presence.

They were walking on the road that led to the Eastern Kingdom and as they were walking up a slight rise, who should crest that rise walking westward, but a company of Eastern Soldiers. When they saw the four travelers their reaction was instant. They yelled, lowered their spears, drew their swords and broke out into a run towards the women and Kugo.

Kugo froze, fear turning his limbs to stone. How was he, a teen, going to defend three grown women against a whole company of soldiers? He drew his knife and gulped, suddenly preparing to protect the women.

It was a huge surprise when one of them stepped out in front of him. It was Jyogo; he noted the other two women were cowering behind Kugo. Zosan still managed to sneak a twinkie from that large purse she carried. Even afraid she still had time to eat. Kugo wondered idly if that was why she wore such baggy robes…to hide a portly figure.

The soldiers screaming brought him out of his reverie. The men were on fire? He looked over to where Jyogo stood, with smoke curling out of one of her nostrils. She grinned at him and turned back to the ranks of soldiers. She grinned and opened her mouth and Kugo's jaw dropped when he saw peals of flame pour out in a stream aimed at the enemy.

**-----**

**"**COOOOOL!!!" Goku's eyes shone with excitement. "That's why she always has smoke coming from her mouth!!!" He bounced in his chair.

Gojyo grinned. "Yup. And you thought she had smelly breath."

"Well, were the soldiers all fried? What happens?!" Goku whined.

Hakkai hid a small smile, who knew the rake and hellion had such storytelling talent? This was getting interesting. The dark-haired demon stole a glance in Sanzo's direction. He certainly wouldn't appreciate getting called a coward, as well as a glutton, any more than Hakkai liked getting called a slob and a coward. But Hakkai had to hand it to Gojyo; he was turning the story around to suit his needs.

Gojyo grinned to see the pure look of murder in Sanzo's eyes. Gojyo batted his eyelashes in the monk's general direction and blew a kiss saucily.


	4. Chapter 3

_Chapter_

3 

_Author:_ Redbruja

_Author Notes:_ -

-----

**Chapter 3**

The stench of charring flesh rose in the air. A score of soldiers were writhing on the ground, their screams sharp and shrill in the still air.

As terrifying as Jyogo was, the Eastern soldiers were hardened veterans. Despite their fellows being horribly burned, they kept coming for Jyogo and Kugo.

Finally, here was a challenge worthy of Kugo's strength! Now that he knew that Jyogo could hold her own, he thought they might actually have a chance to defeat the Eastern Soldiers.

Kugo attacked. He broke bones, and bashed heads, and soon moaning, unconscious or dead bodies were strewn about in a circle around him. But still the soldiers kept coming. The Evil Queen must have had an unlimited supply of cannon fodder. No matter how many Kugo took out, there was always more.

He was actually starting to get _tired_. That had never happened before. Kugo ducked under a spear thrust and look around to see what Zosan and Kaiha were doing.

-----

"...and what were they doing?" Goku asked.

"Well, if you'd let me continue," Goyjo said shortly and opened his mouth to do so.

"Oh!" burst out of Goku. "Did they develop magic powers?"

Sanzo turned his head to fully appreciate Goyjo's flabbergasted and annoyed expression.

"What?" Goyjo said. "No!" He snorted and shook his head. "They–"

"Got killed!" Goku suggested. "Were they dead?"

Sanzo decided that if Goyjo took this opportunity to kill 'his' character, it would be a great excuse to beat the kappa until he turned into a pack of Marlboros. It might take awhile, but if 'Kaiha' was dead as well, Hakkai probably wouldn't mind.

_Fuck, _his head hurt. He'd been without cigarettes before and the withdrawal had never been this bad. Usually it was just an annoying aching pressure around his skull. This time, it felt like someone was trying to claw his head open. He could practically feel nails scratching at his forehead.

This was annoying. If being without cigarettes was this irritating when people weren't trying to kill him (actually, it would probably be better if people _were_ trying to kill him) but anyway, if it turned out that going without cigarettes was actually debilitating, he'd just throw the damn things out. It wasn't like he was addicted and he'd wasn't stupid enough to give his enemies an advantage.

Still, going without one of the few calming things in his life...

Sanzo clenched his teeth together and the clawing nails stopped traveling through his hair, and simply drove themselves into his scalp.

Where the hell was Hakkai with that tea?

Goyjo was trying to return to the story and Goku kept interrupting him with suggestions.

If he ended up quitting, he was going to make sure Goyjo did as well. Hakkai would probably help with that.

...actually, that sounded amusing. Sanzo looked out at the falling snow, picturing every snowflake as a kappa writhing in the grips of long-term nicotine withdrawal. That was a _very_ amusing thought. He wondered if he could manage to deprive Goyjo of cigarettes in the long term without having to do the same.

"Would you like _me_ to finished the story?" Hakkai suggested, smiling, from where he was fiddling with the tea pot. Really how long did it take the man to boil water? Was he using Jeep to heat the kettle up?

"NO," said Goyjo, "what I'd like is for the monkey to SHUT UP!"

"Tell the story then!" Goku yelled back.

"I'm _trying_, you stupid primate!"

"Moronic cockroach!"

"If you don't can it," Sanzo began, internally debating between the Smith & Wesson (quicker) and the harisan (quieter).

Goku and Goyjo glared at each over for another minute and then Goyjo opened his mouth and said nothing.

Goku made inarticulate 'well?' motions with his hands.

Satisfied, Goyjo continued.

-----

Zosan and Kaiha were standing as far away from the battle as they could manage, standing behind a tree and peeking out occasionally to see what was happening.

Kaiha was holding her dog so tightly the little rat was squirming and Zosan was neurotically chomping on her twinkie.

Kugo ducked a battle ax, crushed the larynx of the man who'd attacked and looked over towards Jyogo.

She had even more bodies at her–

-----

"Even more than Kugo?" Goku questioned disbelievingly.

-----

She had even _more_ bodies at her feet than Kugo–

-----

"But she just has the flame-breath right?" Goku continued. "I don't think that would take out more than Kugo because _he _has super– get your hands off me you perverted kappa!"

Without looking around, Sanzo drew his gun and fired. The report of the Smith & Wesson was only mildly less excruciating than the voices of Goyjo and Goku.

There was a brief space of silence. Sanzo ignored the headache scouring his skull and wondered how long the the not-talking would last.

He heard footsteps; Hakkai _finally_ arriving with the tea.

"Here you are," he said, actually sounding cheerful.

Goyjo took that as a sign to start up his stupid little story again.

"Oh joy, withdrawal and veiled insults," Sanzo muttered into the edge of the tea cup, before taking a sip of the scalding liquid.

"Well, at least they're entertained," Hakkai said, speaking in a low tone, face radiating pleasantness. Jeep cooed in agreement, the annoying little flying rat.

"Death is entertaining," Sanzo returned, deciding that if the youkai chuckled, he was going to put a hole in the man's head, even if he had just brought tea.

Irritatingly, Hakkai didn't give her an excuse, only shrugging apologetically and going to sit at the table.

Sanzo went back to staring out at the falling snow. He heard Hakkai pick up his deck of cards and start to meditatively shuffle.

Outside, the snow fell faster.

-----

She had even _more_ bodies at her feet than Kugo, some burned beyond recognition and some gutted with a sword she'd taken from one of the fallen soldiers. Despite her obvious prowess in battle, however, she had cuts and contusions decorating her skin, and her face gleamed with sweat.

This was not going as well as Kugo had imagined it would.

And then it got worse. A cadre of soldiers decided to go for the weakest members of the group.

Kugo heard Zosan's outraged squawk as she was tossed across the back of a horse, a soldier wrapping her hands and ankles with rope.

Kaiha was faring slightly better, but only because her pet was barking histrionically and snapping her teeth at the approaching soldiers. That advantage didn't last long; one of the Eastern lieutenants swept Kaiha's feet out from under her with his spear, and then she was joining Zosan on the back of a horse.

-----

"...They were to addle-brained to do more than shout from help, but no deity heard them." Goyjo said with a sad shake of his head.

-----

Kanzeon Bosatsu raised her one eyebrow and rested her chin on her hand. "Would you like to call me hard-of-hearing to my face, Kenren? Because that can be arranged."

-----

By the pregnant pause, Goyjo had obviously saying something annoying that Sanzo was supposed to react to.

Screw that. He wondered if they'd notice if he leaned his forehead again the glass of the window. It would probably be nice and cool against his head.

He was going to kill Hakkai for starting this. And then he was going to kill Goyjo for jumping on the opportunity to try and insult him in a roundabout way. Then he was going to kill Goku for being too stupid to catch on.

This was an utter waste of time.

"And then what happened?" Goku asked, eyes wide.

-----

Kugo spun around, ready to save them, and one of the Eastern soldiers took advantage of Kugo's chivalrous impulse to bash him across the head.

One minute Kugo was running towards Zosan and Kaiha, and the next he was one his knees, staring vapidly in the dirt and wondering what was that liquid sliding across his forehead.

He put his hand to his head and his fingers came away red.

He turned his head to see a mace descending down and–

-----

"_He dies?"_ Goku said in horror.

_Ah, reality finally starts playing a part in this fairy tale,_ Sanzo thought, and then realized how upset the monkey would get if 'Kugo' ended up dead. Fuck.

"Goyjo, I feel quite certain that's not how the book goes," Hakkai said with a pleasant, please-refrain-from-doing-anything-that-would-lead-me-to-kill-you smile.

Goyjo didn't look nearly as intimidated at Hakkai as he should, rolled his eyes at both of them and said, "would you let me finish? Sheesh." Goyjo dramatically took a sip of tea, and continued. "'Kugo got his head walloped up good one, but luckily Jyogo managed to torch the soldier before...'"

Sanzo went back to trying to ignore the lot of them. Outside, individual flakes of snow were flying sideways with great velocity. His pulse pounded in his temples, and he discreetly raised a hand to rub at them. Unconsciously, his lips pursed with the desire for a smoke. He caught the motion in his reflection, and smoothed his lips out, watching to make sure they did so. With mostly darkness outside, the window was more reflective than some of the mirrors he'd seen. He could see his own face clearly, as well as that of the youkai woman standing behind his shoulder.

_Damn_ his companions where useless. Sanzo whirled about, gun in his hand.

She wasn't there.

Hakkai, Goyjo, and Goku looked him at him with expressions of mild curiosity, annoyance, and confusion, respectively.

Sanzo suppressed the urge to walk around the edges of the room and check that someone wasn't hiding under the table or in the closet or in one of the cabinets, but it was a one-room shack, and he didn't believe a youkai could have darted away and hide herself before he turned around.

Also, if she had, Goku would be starting at where she'd hid herself, not at him.

Goyjo was giving Hakkai a look that said, as clearly as if he'd spoke aloud, "are _you_ going to ask what's bugging Her Highness?"

Hakkai responded with a shake of his head that was so minimal it was practically nonexistent.

Goyjo shrugged and went back to his story.

-----

Kugo heard moaning as he woke up, and it wasn't until he put his hand to his face and felt his lips moving that he realized that the sound was coming from him.

He stopped and opened his eyes.

Bad move.

White spots danced sickeningly in his vision, and it felt like someone was stabbing screwdrivers into his head and then twisting.

He blinked several times and then realized that Jyogo's face was floating above him.

"Ummm mwuh?" he managed.

She sighed and leaned back out of his sight. It took him quite a long time to sit up. When he did, he saw that Jyogo was sitting next to him, staring around at the dead bodies surrounding them. Peje was tugging at the hem of her skirt and making whimpering noises. Jyogo was had her elbow planted on one of her drawn-up knees and was resting her chin in her palm. Her lips where smeared black with soot, and there were streaks of blood splattered and spilled over most of her clothing. Kugo could see slashes welling with blood, places were her skin was rent apart. She didn't appear to notice, and Kugo was impressed with her stoicism.

"W-what, what happened?" Kugo asked.

Jyogo opened her mouth to respond and started hacking hoarsely. "Fucking curse," she muttered when she had her breath back. "When I met that bitch again I'm going to massacre her."

"Where are Zosan and Kaiha?" Kugo asked.

Jyogo exhaled heavily, a few tendrils of smoke winding between her lips.

-----

The three demons where thoroughly embroiled in their little melodrama. Sanzo took advantage of their preoccupation to humor his paranoia. He discreetly wandered around the hut, opening cabinets, checking behind the shower curtain, noticing all the windows: which ones looked painted shut (all of them) and which looked like someone could come through without breaking the glass (none of them.)

He ended up back in front of his window, staring hard at the reflection and thinking that a bullet to the brain pan most likely had marvelous anagastic properties.

Between one blink and the next, she appeared again, sloe-eyed and dark haired, her demon mark curled under her right eye like a stylized tear drop.

She reached out (Sanzo tensed and refused to turn around.) She ran her fingers across his face, cupping his cheek in his hand and he felt nothing. He couldn't feel her touch, the air pressure next to him didn't change, there was no demonic aura he could sense.

Shit, he could see his skin giving under the slight pressure of her touch and he couldn't feel a damned thing.

In the mirror, he watched her frown (with... concentration? frustration?) and then she moved her hand to the back of his head and shoved.

His faced slammed into the window hard enough to crack the glass. Sanzo felt his nose crunch and start to bleed. His gun was in his hand as he stumbled two steps backwards, peripherally aware of his companions scrambling to their feet, knocking over chairs.

"Sanzo, what–" Hakkai started and then the door burst open.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

_Author:_ GreyLiliy

_Author Notes:_ - Sorry my bit is so late. Lots of work this semester and fanfiction net not letting me upload the doucment didn't help too much either. However, Saiyuki Reload 7 helped speed things up. -inserts evil laughter- I love you Hazel and Gat. Oh, how I love you Hazel and Gat.

-----

Chapter 4 

Having been distracted from the blonde priest on the floor, Hakkai turned to the open door to see two of his least favorite people appear. The snowy haired priest took his time to knock the snow off of his boots while his ever present companion leaned down to get beneath the doorframe so he could enter. The demon looked around the larger fellow, Gat he believed, to see a clear path that had been cleared in the snow. Well, he had to give it to Hazel for having a walking snow plow in his service.

"Well bless my stars! There are some folks in here, and some rather familiar ones at that." Hazel chuckled a bit as he entered farther into the room. It was rather quaint with the three demon folk sitting around together and his favorite priest next to the window. However. "Oh! Mr. Sanzo! You seem to be bleedin'! Whatever could have happened?"

"None of your business." Sanzo was not amused in the least. He had blood running down his face, he was seeing and being molested by mystery demon women, and now that damned priest and his dog were here. He almost missed Gojyo's story.

"May I ask why you're here?" Hakkai forced a smile. He'd deal with Sanzo and his freaking out issues later. "I find it hard to believe you just appeared at our door."

"Coincidences are fun that way. I was just passin' through and figured it'd be good to take a short break. And this little abode was just such a convenient location on the outskirt of town." Hazel started slowly making his way to hover towards Sanzo. The man needed attendin' after all! And there was one priest here more than willing to do the job. "And I got a good feeling about it, so I just had Gat make a way for little old us and here we are."

"Well, as you can see this cabin is already occupied. So why don't you just head right on back out and git'out." Gojyo added his two bits to the equation. Sanzo acting weird aside, these two just had to go.

"Oh, but the weather's just so dreadful." Hazel put his hands together in front of him in a pleading motion. He could see Gat swaying on his feet a bit in the background. The man just never seemed to know what to do with himself. "And company is always mighty pleasant on such occasions, don't you agree?"

"Well, you just keep your company with Gat and we'll leave." Gojyo shoved himself up from off the floor. At least now they could get out of this shit hole. "Come on, Goku. Since they were so kind as to open a path, we should go get something to eat."

"But what about the story!" Goku whined. He was starving sure, but he _needed_ to know what happened next. He never thought he'd think this thought – but food could wait.

"I'll tell you at a restaurant or in the woods or something! Let's go!" Gojyo smacked the monkey upside the head to get his point across. "Get moving or I won't tell you the rest!"

"What! That's no fair!" Goku rubbed his head where it had been struck and sighed a little. Playing nice with Gojyo sucked. "Okay, but you better tell it right!"

"I do say, that might not be a good idea." Hazel caught Gat's eyes and smiled a little when he made sure the man understood. Gat was just so good at readin' his little old mind. "That snow doesn't look very sturdy, what if it were to collapse on yall'? That would just be dreadful."

"I rather doubt that will happen, Mr. Hazel." Hakkai smiled, though it widened a bit with a twitch when the large brute Gat slammed the side of the cabin causing all of the snow from the roof to fall into the doorway, once again sealing them in. "Well, now. Would you look at that? The snow collapsed, I guess your warning was warranted after all."

"See, as I said. Not sturdy at all." Hazel promptly sat himself down in a chair next to Mr. Sanzo, who by this point had reset himself down in his own chair. He seemed to have rubbed the blood off of his head and onto his sleeve and was pretendin' to ignore the world. Though his eyes kept flicking to the window and his own reflection for some odd reason. Hazel just assumed it was a touch of cabin fever affected his favorite fellow member of the faiths. "I guess we'll just have to stay here with yall' for the time being. Pardon our intrustion."

"Hey! If that giant could clear the snow out before, why can't he do it now?" Gojyo wanted to rip his hair out. No way was he stayin' snowed in with these freaks! It was bad enough when it was just him and the others.

"Gat's feeling a bit cold and tired, by now I'm sure. I couldn't ask him to keep working himself to the bone, now could I?"

"Bull shit!"

"Will all of you just shut up." Sanzo needed to think. And clearly. Whatever had happened with the demon girl, the annoyance's arrival aside, no one else seemed to have noticed it. That means it was either all in his head, or something else was going on.

"Why of course," Hazel removed his hat and waved his hand in a motion that told Gat to sit. People who were 'tired' shouldn't stand. "Now, what was this about a story?"

Goku was still a bit disappointed that there wouldn't be any food, but getting to find out what happened to Zosan and Kaiha would be worth it! "Hakkai was lookin' for his book, but since he couldn't find it he started telling me the story. But Gojyo got mad for some reason and said Hakkai 'membered it wrong or something so he's been telling the rest!"

"How quaint, well don't stop on my account." Hazel flashed a toothy smile and straightened the bottom of his robe with a swift stroke to the fabric. "Do continue."

Gojyo rolled his eyes and was on the verge of just tellin' the monkey that he had been had, but those giant golden eyes told him he better make the story good. You just can't win against eyes like those. "Well, alright I'll continue. But I'd best not get any interruptions from any of you guys, got it?"

"Right! Now go on!"

Gojyo made himself comfortable in his chair, making sure to put his back to the unholy freaky priest and his bodyguard before clearing his throat to begin again. Though, seeing their faces might just be worth it with what this water sprite was planning.

-----

After hearing that the evil queen's henchmen had indeed captured the helpless Zosan and Kaiha, Kogu found himself in despair. "I wonder if they're going to be okay."

Jyogo, the ever calm and prepared gave a tiny smile. "I'm worried too, but I'll tell you what – we're in a bit of luck."

"How so?" Kugo's giant eyes perked up immediately at the little bit of hope that sprung from the plain, but beautiful Jyogo's lips.

"I recognized the two men that took 'um. Took me a while, but now I definitely know where I've seen them before." Jyogo struck her lap with a hand before rubbing the soot off of her luscious lips. "They go by the names of Zelha and Toga. Zelha's a wimpy little dude that likes to bark orders, so we shouldn't have any problems taking him out. It's his giant slave Toga that's going to be work to beat! But if we work together we should be able to get our helpless damsels in distress back!"

"Yeah! Let's go and catch up to them then!"

----

"Not the brightest bulb in the box, is he, that little one?" Hazel frowned as he spoke out of the side of his mouth to Mr. Sanzo. He had only been listening to the story for a few moments, but could figure out what was going on easy enough. "What poor taste."

Sanzo merely grunted at him and tried to ignore the fact that ghost or whatever-the-hell-she-was demon girl was back. This time floating around the middle of the room instead of beign stuck in that damn reflection. And no one could see her. Which might have been for the best considering she was making funny faces at Hazel and pretending to slap him. Though, that was sort of funny in its own right.

"At least you get to play a male role." Hakkai added under his breath to the priest. "Though, out of all of us a woman would have suited you most."

"Don't be absurd, you're the one who likes to clean and cook."

"Your hair and dress seem to speak otherwise, you even have a handsome bodyguard."

"Says the man who plays the 'mommy' of your mock replacement family."

"HEY!" Goku shouted interrupting Gojyo in the middle of his description of Kugo and Jyogo's journey after the other two. Jyogo was using her fire breath to create torches and he wanted to know if she was going to pass out or not from the exertion. "Stop whispering over there! It's distracting."

"Oh, my apologies. Do continue with your _riveting_ story." Hazel smirked a little and cocked his head to the side. Well, two could play at this game. "Though it does sound mighty familiar. I think I may have read upon it in my time as well."

"You've read this book, too?" Goku frowned. "How come everyone's read it but me?"

"You know how to read?"

"Shut up you stupid water sprite!"

"Make me!"

"Shut up!" Sanzo yelled. He kept his peripheral on the demon girl who was now laughing in the background as she poked her finger through Hakkai's monocle. He was getting the vibe that the only thing she could touch was Sanzo for some reason. He was going to find out how to use that to kill her, but he needed quiet to think! "Either sit down and tell the story or die!"

"Fine, stupid ingrates can't appreciate good literature." Gojyo grumbled before continuing.

-----

After many a day's journey, the two travelers eventually caught up to the two (more like one) fearsome enemies on horseback. Kaiha and Zosan were still tied and gagged. Zosan was trapped with the smaller man, Zelha while Kaiha was struggling with Toga. Kaiha's mutt was barking around the ankles of the horses. Poor thing must have chased them the entire way. It was clear that neither girl had the strength to break free from their captors.

"Here to try again?" Zelha laughed as he looked down his nose and slapped his victim's portly rear end. Zosan let out an undignified squawk through the gag, but was powerless to do anything. "There's no way you can defeat us!"

"Get down here and say that!" Jyogo shouted as she breathed fire at the horse successfully scaring it into knocking the two down onto the ground. In the meantime, it had sent the other horse flying off into the distance. But as luck had it, only Kaiha had fallen leaving Toga to disappear into the distance on the rampaging horse. Staring down at the fallen felon, Kugo and the talented Jyogo laughed. "Not so tough are you now."

"Have mercy!" The shrimpy man cried…

-----

"Mercy!?" Hazel shrieked indignantly. He was all for good fun and games, but enough was enough. He gathered himself and coughed into his hand. "Mercy me, you seem to have a poor memory of this story. That's not how it happened at all."

"It's not? Is Gojyo screwing up the story again?" Goku asked patiently with a frown. The story had been starting to sound a little weird. Jyogo was cool and all, but Goku was starting to think that Gojyo had a crush on her or something. He kept exaggerating her part way too much.

"No, it's not. If I do recall, that there Ms. Jyogo had run out of her fire stores by that point. There was no way she could have scared off the horses like that. The best flame she could have done by then was a puff of smoke." Hazel smiled slowly. "And if I also recall, that there lovely Ms. Zosan was findin' herself mighty taken with that dashin' fellow on the horse. There was none of this crude behavior."

Sanzo would have made a remark in his defense if he had been paying attention. He was too busy flicking off the demon chick who was now trying to lift his robes from the back. The worst part was that no one was noticing his robes coming off the ground either! That or that brute Gat was just keeping quiet. He was the only one in the line of sight to see what was going on. If he wasn't trying so hard not to draw attention to himself and look crazy, he would have bitch-slapped that little witch.

Finding that Sanzo seemed to have no objections to his modifications, Hazel smiled and continued. "Yes, and the gentlemen had untied the ladies by then, I'm sure. They may have been evil, but nothing less than gentlemen. There was some mighty chemistry goin' on between the lovlely Ms. Zosan and Mr. Zelha, I'm sure."

"Really?" Goku's eyes were getting big. Now there was romance and stuff involved! This story just kept getting better and better. As long as it didn't get too mushy. "So Zosan has a crush? That's kind of neat. I wonder if Kugo gets with anybody."

"If I recall it properly, I do believe Ms. Jyogo starts to fall for the little scamp in her moments of weakness when he comes to her defense."

"No! Don't you listen to him. Jyogo totally took those two losers out on her own! She didn't need any damn help and she most definitely does not have a crush on Go, go, that gofer kid Kugo!"

"I do hate to agree with the good bishop, but I believe Mr. Hazel is right, Gojyo." Hakkai's eyes were gleaming. Revenge was such a sweet, sweet thing. It didn't matter that he was temporarily allying himself with the man closest to the devil he'd met to date, but desperate times called for desperate measures. "You've seem to have forgotten this part of the book. Maybe you hadn't read this far in?"

"Bastard." Gojyo grumbled under his breath. He'd have to concede for this round, but just wait 'til he got his hands on this story again. Heads were going to roll. "Well then, if his holiness has read the damn book, than why doesn't he just continue then?"

"I would be happy to oblige the young'in in his story fancies." Hazel chuckled pleasantly has he crossed one leg over the other. However, a bit of background for what he had missed so far in the story telling might help him a bit. "Do remind me, Mr. Spectacles, it's been a while after all, to where were they all a headin'?"

Hakkai chuckled cruelly as he plotted ways to regain control of the story gone to hell and back. He almost regretted turning Gojyo into a woman for all this chaos. "Towards the Eastern Clan where the evil Queen is slaughtering innocents. I would have thought you would have remembered such an important plot point."

Hazel matched the spectacled demon's smile tooth for tooth. "I know, so careless of me. But in any case, I shan't keep the lad waiting any longer. If I do, he looks sure to just go crazy all fidgetin' in his seat that a way."

Goku couldn't help but feel this was all sort of weird with all of them sitting together telling stories. Especially with someone they didn't like telling it, but it still felt natural. And now he was going to find out what _really_ happened next. Leave it to Gojyo to only read half a book. "Yeah! Keep going!"

Gat leaned his head against a wall and closed his eyes as Hazel started talking. He knew it was going to be a very long night, but at least he could listen to Hazel's voice for a while. He always thought it sounded better when it wasn't ranting about demons. This story thing was very pleasant. If he slept, he might almost be tempted to drift off to such a pleasant vocal accompaniment.

Hazel cleared his throat in a mimic of Gojyo from earlier before setting a delicate finger against his chin as if trying to remember something from long ago. "Well, if I recall, that there Ms. Zosan…"


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Author: nimblnymph

Author's Note: I had so much fun with this chapter! Enjoy, and good luck to Shinigamis Wrath with the next one!

-----

**Chapter 5**

"Well, if I recall, that there Ms. Zosan wasn't at all the portly creature that you were mistakenly told she was," Hazel corrected while casting a slightly smug glare at the scowling red head. He folded his hands neatly on the table, eyes shifting to the steaming cups of tea puffing up warm, inviting smells into the air. He smiled pointedly at Hakkai and let out a wistful little sigh. "My, but if I'm going to be tellin' this story, it sure would go down better with a nice cup of tea."

Hakkai's smile tightened and became completely iced over in its false cheer. "If only you'd mentioned it sooner, Mr. Hazel," he murmured back with a small chuckle that sounded just a little forced. "Unfortunately, Sanzo and I finished the last of the tea. If the pipes haven't frozen over, I'm certain you can help yourself to some nice, fairly fresh, tap water." He discretely kicked the canteen of fresh water that he'd used to make tea further under his bag, all the while smiling as if everything were sunshine and daisies. See? Happy, happy people everywhere...

Goku groaned and rolled his eyes irritably, blowing air up into his bangs as he scuffed his boots against the cabin floor. "Great, now I'm never gonna hear th' end of th' story! Are ya _sure_ we don't have any tea, Hakkai? I really wanna here th' story told th' RIGHT WAY." This last was said with a glare and little head shake of disappointment at the kappa.

Gojyo kicked Goku's shin under the table, his very bitter mood returning the minute that bastard bishop opened his damn mouth and stole _his_ story. "Hey, the only people fucking the story up are those two," he remarked, pointing at the two wickedly smiling men on either side of Goku.

"I don't buy that for a second, Gojyo! Th' only kinda books you read are th' kind with lotsa pictures," the boy fired back.

Leering and giving a suggestive arch of his brow, Gojyo propped his elbows on the table and drawled, "Hey, Sports Illustrated has articles to read. Can I help it if the art work's more... enticing?"

Hazel cleared his throat, his cheeks tinting a dusty rose color as he shifted in his chair. "Yes, well... while that is mighty interestin', I do believe I was in the middle of tellin' the story of the lovely Ms. Zosan and her steamily illicit love affair with the dashing Mr. Zelha."

"My goodness! With such strongly descriptive adjectives, I'm beginning to wonder if indeed you _have_ read the same book," Hakkai exclaimed with mock surprise. "Or are you perhaps confusing this with the prequel book? After all, the prequel was _far_ more adult in content, and not at all appropriate for polite company."

A single gloved finger tapped on pursed lips as the bishop 'thought' about what Hakkai said. "Mmm... nope, I'm fairly certain Ms. Zosan had quite a number of salacious trysts with Mr. Zelha," he finally answered with a friendly shrug and a smile.

"Wait... I'm really lost now," Goku interupted as he scratched the back of his head. "I mean, first of all, what's salacious mean? Does that mean they get to kick a lotta ass? An' I thought Zelha was a bad guy, so why would Zosan wanna go out with him? An' what's goin' on with Toga and Kaiha? Are they gonna be a couple?"

"Yes," Hazel replied instantly, at the exact same moment Hakkai let out a horrified, "Absolutely not!"

Frowning and pinning the other holy prick (as Gojyo was so fond of saying) with his most threatening glare, Hakkai said in a very strained voice, "Toga was a small giant, Goku. Ms. Kaiha was a small, petite young woman with a very delicate... ah, sensibility. She most definately was _not_ enamoured with the brute Toga."

Everyone debating on the story turned toward the door as Gat cleared his throat a little, the sound rumbling like a small roll of thunder in the cramped room. "Toga wasn't a brute," he said quietly. "He wouldn't have forced his attentions on Kaiha in the least."

Hazel's lip curled into a disappointed pout while Hakkai flashed a genuine beam at the large man. What an unexpected alli in a room full of catty attitudes! His esteem of the enormous gunman went up... oh, a few points. Not too many though, considering he was still associated with a very pouty looking bishop. "Ah, I see you've heard the story as well, Mr. Gat?"

"Not all of it. It's one of Hazel's favorites though," he mumbled. In a way, it was partially true. Apart from ranting about eradicating all the demons, Hazel did enjoy talking about Genjyo Sanzo quite a bit. Speaking of the monk though... He was acting rather oddly. Gat frowned as Sanzo jerked his legs around to the other side of his chair sharply. His eyes narrowed as he saw a section of the monk's robes lifted up, as if someone were trying to pick the ivory silk up and sneak a peek at what was worn beneath them. Gat frowned thoughtfully and focused his attention on the area of floor near Sanzo's legs. There it was... he could feel it now. Demon aura, but it was so faint that he probably wouldn't have noticed at all except for the way the monk kept snarling under his breath and shifting around restlessly. Not to mention the very odd, controled way his robes would kick up. Huh... interesting, and worth keeping his eye on for a bit.

Hazel chuckled and turned enough to give his large traveling company a conspiritorial wink. Good ol' Gat, always watching his back. "And all this time I thought you'd stopped listenin' to my ramblin', Gat," he commented with another light laugh. "Seems I'm more charismatic than I thought!"

Gojyo suddenly seemed to have a coughing fit, a few of them oddly sounding as if they could have been the words 'cocksucker' and 'bullshit'. Hazel smiled but made it a point to ignore the red head completely. After all, it was rude to stare at those with mental handicaps. "Now then," he continued, sparing a glance at Sanzo as he drawled the two words out. He was disappointed to find that the monk seemed preoccupied with something on the floor, giving whatever it was very restrained looks of pure malice. He wasn't enjoying the story? Well... maybe a little shock value was in order to get him to join in the fun. "About this story and how Ms. Zosan was sooooo smitten with the handsome, courteous, wealthy, remarkably talented-,"

"Dude, we get it," Gojyo snapped. "Your warped version of the nasty little rat-bastard Zelha is a fucking prince. Get on with it... unless you wanna let me continue with the _correct_ version?"

Goku kicked Gojyo hard under the table, leveling a very annoyed glare at the kappa and ignoring the hiss of pain and the answering glare back as said kappa rubbed his shin painfully. "Shut up, Gojyo! I wanna hear the story an' I wanna hear it the RIGHT way."

"My way WAS the right way, chimp!"

"Hakkai, Hazel AND Gat all say it's way wrong, now shut up!"

Grumbling about 'ungrateful little brats' and various other things which were far from being PG appropriate and earned him a reprimanding frown from Hakkai, Gojyo slouched back in his chair, tapping his nails on the table to vent his frustrations. He needed booze. He needed smokes. He needed a woman. He needed revenge for his ego's ruptured spleen... Fuck, he needed to get control of the damn story again! His eyes slid to the steaming tea untouched by Sanzo's elbow, and the cup that was nearly half empty by Hakkai's. Slowly, a sneering little smirk curved his lips as he looked pointedly at Hakkai and said, "Y'know... don't you have some of the decaf tea still in your bag?"

The smile Hakkai gave him was perhaps one of the most deadly sweet ones ever. "No, I'm sure you're quite mistaken, Gojyo," he managed to say through the tightly clenched teeth of his smile. He hoped that the kappa got the message through his glare; if the red head thought turning him into a woman was emasculating, he was about to get a new definition of the term just as soon as Hakkai regained the story thread.

Either Gojyo was suddenly blind (very unlikely), feeling particularly masochistic (very likely, but very foolish considering who he was dealing with) or so beyond annoyed with their situation he simply didn't care that he was beginning to piss Hakkai off royally. The kappa oh-so-casually nudged Hakkai's bag open with his boot, spilling out a packet of tea leaves that were clearly marked (for Goku's sake. After the incident where he downed an entire bag of oolong because he thought it was dried seaweed chips, it was a necessary precaution) as well as the canteen with freshly filtered water. "Oops... my bad."

"Ah, so you _do_ have some tea," Hazel crooned with a smile that tried very hard to blind everyone in the room. "My, how fortuitous this is! Now I can continue for quite a while with a decent cup a'tea. You really should keep better stock of your supplies, Mr. Spectacles. It's surprisin'ly disorganized of you."

If Hakkai's smile were any tighter, his teeth would have been fused together from the amount of pressure he was exuding. "How careless of me to let that slip my attention," he managed to say in a fairly civil tone. Gojyo was dead. Gojyo was going to be a squirming mass of kappa goo on the floor by the time he was through with him. He didn't care what else happened in the story so long as the red head felt the sharp beating of his wordy retribution before the end. Still seething silently, Hakkai scooped up the canteen and the tea and went for the kitchen. He _could_ always have an "accident" and drop the tea leaves on the floor. But then that would mean he and Sanzo would have to suffer without, the monk more so than him. Decisions, decisions...

He spared a glance for the highly irritable monk suffering both nicotine and caffeine deprival, and who also had expert aim with a banishing gun designed to eradicate demons, and thought better of having an "accident". It wasn't worth his life to be uncivilized. Besides, with the way Sanzo kep twitching around his chair it almost looked as if he might seriously be going into shock from having all his vices suddenly removed. As he boiled water and set up the cups (hmm... where was that chipped one Goku had used to scoop up worms for fishing bait?) for himself as well as Hazel, he kept an ear tuned in on the story the bishop was beginning to tell. Maybe, he'd get lucky and Sanzo would _finally_ catch onto the change in story line. In this instance, he would be most glad to hide the bodies after the explosion.

Hazel sat with perfect posture in his chair, hands folded neatly together on the table as he smiled at the eager, wide-eyed face of Goku. Goku had his head propped up on his elbows... which were on the table. Goodness, the boy was how old and he didn't know proper table etiquette yet? He cleared his throat, but otherwise made no comment on the elbows on the table as he began the "story" again. "Now, as I was sayin', Mr. Zelha and Mr. Toga weren't really as bad as you were so mistakenly told..."

-----

... They were, in fact, undercover spies working to eradicate the evil Queen's hordes from the inside out. They were good people simply trying to make the world a better place, full of peace, love, harmony, consideration for others...

-----

"Holy hell, we get it!" Gojyo exclaimed as his fingers absently touched his lips in an agitated gesture. He shifted a little in his chair as the feeling he'd had since Sanzo's nose dive into the glass swept over him again. Why did he have the feeling there was someone else in this room? It was more an intuition type thing than anything else... but he felt like someone was watching him. Or maybe he was still weirded out over the fact that the dear bishop and his precious alter boy were now locked (conveniently enough, the smarmy bastards) in the same cabin as they word. Sneering at the calmly smiling man sitting next to him, he drawled with a slightly malicious tone, "How about a little less of the happy, fluffy shit and more with the action?"

Hazel chuckled low before lowering his lashes just enough to hide the wicked intent he knew would most likely be there. "If you insist, sir," he murmured. "The reason Mr. Zelha took Ms. Zosan was..."

-----

... They were working together. The extremely stunning Zosan was a very clever, very smart woman who was aiding Zelha and Toga in their quest to destroy the evil Queen of the Eastern Clans completely. Deep down, there certainly was an attraction between them, one that had been growing ever since they parted company to pursue their parts in this great and noble quest. Zelha, who was ever the trickster and loved nothing more than catching his beautiful Zosan off guard, had seen her traveling and thought it a wonderfully fun idea to 'kidnap' her. She looked so very pretty with a deep blush to her cheek and sparkling, jewel like eyes. He simply couldn't resist the urge to act the part of barbarian and swoop down to claim the beautiful woman right off her feet. Toga, who had mistunderstood Zelha's directions, had snatched Kaiha by mistake.

Once they escaped from Kugo's mighty impressive shouting and Jyogo's rather silly attempts at blowing fire (which was due to excess gas in her stomach from eating way too much spicey food), Zelha slowed his magnificent white steed down and turned the squirming, outraged woman in his lap around. Zosan struggled for a bit longer before she realized it was indeed her old friend and truest love that had captured her. "Oh, Zelha! I've missed you sooooo much!" she cried out, flinging her arms and sweet scented bosom directly onto the man behind her.

-----

"Sweet scented bosom?" Gojyo questioned, his eyebrows shooting up under his bandana as he cast a look at Sanzo. Sanzo... was preoccupied with... something. Not for long he wasn't going to be, not if Gojyo had his way with things! "Yo, Sanzo! Did you hear that?"

Sanzo, still scowling, turned his attention away from the invisible demon woman (who was now trying to nuzzle her cheek against his thigh, the perverted bitch) and to the kappa. He'd honestly not been listening to a damn word any of them had said, more intent on trying to unravel what the hell was going on than being concerned with some pathetic attempt at getting Goku to shut the hell up. A demon woman who slams his head into the glass and then procedes to try and molest him was far more important than any stupid story. From the smirk and thoroughly evil look in Gojyo's eye, he was beginning to think he should have been paying attention though. Dear gods, what the hell happened now? "Hear what?" he demanded, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"Apparently... Zosan has some mighty sweet smelling breasts. Makes me think she has beer flavored nip-," Gojyo's words were cut off as Hakkai very quickly deposited the tea on the table and clapped a hand on his mouth.

"Please, Gojyo, allow Mr. Hazel to continue," the green eyed man said with a smile dripping with saccharined poison. He could tolerate a good many things, but he didn't think it was at all good to mention any part of the female body as being flavored with anything. Knowing Goku, that type of commentation could, and most likely would, get the boy into a vast amount ouf trouble.

Hazel smirked his victory over the kappa... which quickly turned into a disappointed frown when he saw how translucent his tea was compared to Hakkai's. "I do hate to be rude but... this here looks a bit like water with tea thrown in to taste," he remarked as politely as he could.

Hakkai took a sip from his own very dark tea and made a contented little sound as it went down. "Oh, I'm so sorry about that," he lied with an evil little chuckle. "I made mine first, and unfortunately ran out of loose tea for yours. But, I'm certain you'll make do just fine."

Laughing through a tightly gritted smile (how very rude of him! Guests were ALWAYS served first choice), the bishop motioned for his bodyguard to bring his small sack of provisions over. Gat did so, standing just behind Hazel as the man dug through his bag... and brought out a box of instant tea. With real caffeine in it. Sanzo was not at all embarassed to say his mouth had started watering at the sight of it. Dead silence fell around the table as the pale man made very certain they saw him select juuuuust the right bag before dropping it into his steaming cup of slightly green water. "Well, it's a good thing I always carry some of this around, wouldn't you say? Mr. Sanzo, how 'bout dumpin' that there decaf and havin' a nice cup a'caffeinated tea with me instead?"

Sanzo glanced down at the tea that was stil steaming ever so slightly, completely untouched. His gaze shifted over to Hakkai when he caught the subtle curling of the green eyed man's nails into the wooden table. A quick look at the other man's face made any thoughts of doing just that fly out of his head. Hakkai's eyes clearly said, _"If you don't want to walk the rest of the way, you better drink that tea and like it."_ Hakkai was just enough of a bastard to do it, too. Grimacing, Sanzo took a sip of his tea and said, "Don't bother. Now, what did I miss?"

Snickering, Gojyo rocked back in his chair and stretched his long legs out under the table, his knee "accidentally" hitting the table just as Hazel was about to pick his tea cup up. Tea sloshed over the rim of the cup, barely missing a pristine white glove as it splattered onto the table. The bishop couldn't quite keep the slightly annoyed twitch from crossing his face but refrained from saying anything. "Oh, how about we just let dear old Hazel here continue telling the story," the red head drawled maliciously. He really couldn't wait to see the two holy pricks duke it out. Gods, was he a sick kappa!

Violet eyes narrowed to glittering, suspicious slits as they flickered from the stil chuckling kappa to the angelically smiling man across from him. "Well, let's hear it. It better be the correct version, too. I'm getting pretty sick and tired of all you idiots fucking it up."

"Me, too," Goku chimed in with a very angry pout to his face. "Just tell th' story an' get it right! Geeze... I'm beginnin' to think _no one_ really read the book!" He huffed out breath of air that made his cheeks puff out around the scowl on his lips and his very irritated and impatient eyes. Hazel would have almost termed it a rather cute expression were it not for the fact that the boy's hands were clenched into tight fists he knew could punch easily through a brick wall. He smiled brightly around the room in general, secretly pleased that he finally had Mr. Sanzo's attention once again.

"Like I was saying, Ms. Zosan and Mr. Zelha..."

-----

... Were very dear friends. Ever since Zelha had been assigned to infiltrate and gather information on the evil Queen's vile, barbaric hoardes, Zosan had lived every day in terror that the strong and very handsome man would die. Each day without him felt like an eternity, and it was then that she realized she was deeply enamoured with the Adonis-like fellow spy. Zelha had sent letters when he could, not only of information gathered but also expressing his own pain at being away from her. Zosan carried them everywhere with her, tucked carefully in her bosom so that-,

-----

"Ya mean her purse, right?" Goku interupted. Inwardly, he let out a frustrated little groan. Why did everybody who supposedly read the stupid book get the story wrong? Maybe it wasn't that good of a book if it was so easy to forget!

"Beg your pardon, little fella?" Hazel questioned with a slightly confused blink of his pale blue eyes. He glanced at Hakkai, who gave a subtle nod to confirm that the boy was right; Ms. Zosan carried a purse. Chuckling, Hazel shrugged and said, "Ms. Zosan's purse wasn't the type you'd put somethin' special in. These were love letters, so she'd want to keep 'em as close to her as possible. After all, the poor heartsick li'l lady missed her gallant knight so very much. She read 'em every day that they were parted, just dreamin' about the day she would once again experience the heated passion of his kiss again." He gave a deep sigh, one that was full of soft emotion, as his lashes fluttered ever so slightly. Gojyo went sprinting for the kitchen before collapsing on his hands and knees on the floor, laughing so hard no sound could come out. It was the funniest shit he'd ever heard anyone even ATTEMPT to pull on Sanzo, but he didn't want to be within firing range when the monk lost it!

There was a spray of decaf tea and a choking sound from the furiously glaring monk. Goku, worried about his guardian's coughing splutters of outrage, went to aid him by whacking him solidly a couple times on the back. He therefore missed the smle and wink Hazel tossed back, as well as the burning blush that suddenly swept up Gat's face. Hakkai's head dropped to the table with a faint groan as images of bishop brain matter being used to paint the ceiling of their rather drag shelter raced through his mind. While he certainly wouldn't get between Hazel and a bullet from Sanzo for this, dead bodies did have a tendency to stink after a few hours.

Gojyo finally stumbled back to the table, tears running down his red cheeks and a grin that looked painful in how wide it was stretched across his face. Still chuckling, he wiped his eyes and ignored the suspicious look Goku was tossing at him. He used the opportunity of Sanzo momentarily being indisposed to wave a hand in Hazel's direction and say, "Okay, I'm ready. Let's keep going with the _right_ story."

Smiling and completely oblivious to the pulsing vein that throbbed in Sanzo's forehead as well as the small snarls of wordless rage that managed to sneak through his tightly clenched teeth, Hazel took a sip of his tea before proceding with the story.

-----

Zelha had missed Zosan very much indeed, but he was completely caught off guard at her very amourous reaction to seeing him again. He had to quickly readjust his feet in the saddle stirrups to keep from falling off the horse entirely as Zosan proceded to kiss every inch of his face she could get. She swung around in the saddle so that she was facing him, her skirts pushed indecently high around her creamy white thighs, her milk pale arms not allowing him to pull away from her for longer than it took to breath.

"Zelha... I need you so bad! It's been so long, and I've been so alone without you," the woman declared desperately.

Zelha, though he was a perfect gentleman, simply couldn't resist such a beautiful, tempting woman as Zosan was. It had been several months without her most agreeable company, and he _was_ only a man... with a very beautiful woman throwing herself at him. How could anyone expect him to remain a pillar of strength and propriety under such an assault? He began to return every eager press of her lips, his hands working higher up her smooth, alabster thighs until...

-----

"No! Hell fucking no!" Sanzo finally burst out, his cheeks burning red with a mixture of anger and embarassment. That bastard priest was soooo beyond dead for this insult! Gat slapped a hand to his eyes, his darkly tanned skin a shade that rivaled Gojyo's brilliant red hair. Hakkai's own blush extended well below the high neck of his tunic and he was trying desperately to keep Goku's ears covered to preserve whatever innosence hadn't been taken by the kappa already.

"Hakkai, I can't hear th' story! What's Zelha doin' to Zosan? An' is Toga doin' th' same thing to Kaiha? Are they checkin' to see if th' women are carryin' hidden weapons?" Goku's questions continued as he struggled and squirmed to try and throw Hakkai's death grip on his ears off.

The only two in the room besides the innocently smiling bishop to be enjoying this particular plot twist were the kappa... and the demon ghost girl. The former was sitting with a rather intense look to his crimson eyes while the latter had stopped trying to peek up Sanzo's robes in favor of hanging her jaw open wide with round, shining eyes. Dear gods... a pervy kappa and a pervy ghost. Why did karma hate him so much? "And?" Gojyo prompted with another wave of his hand. The ghost girl nodded eagerly next to him, eyes all for the bishop and the story he was telling. "Did Zelha get it on with Zosan or what?"

"He sure as fucking hell didn't," Sanzo snapped irritably, cutting off Hazel just as the other man began to answer. Hazel's mouth closed with a faint click before a pout returned to his lips. "Zosan wasn't an idiot. She would know better than to trust a spy. And if she were to ever fall for _anyone_ it certainly wouldn't be Zelha, no matter how powerful he claimed to be. She's got better taste than that."

"Ooo... that was awful cruel of you to say, Mr. Sanzo," Hazel complained, one hand going to his chest in a dramatic gesture of being wounded deeply. "But I'm almost positive the beautiful Zosan and the handsome Zelha were most-,"

"No. They weren't most anything," the monk insisted with a fierce glare. It was bad enough he'd been turned into a woman, he was NOT about to let his woman be turned into a whore. That was the fire breathing Jyogo's department. "They were more aquaintances than friends, and they most certainly were NOT in ANY way romantically involved."

"Are ya certain about that, Mr. Sanzo?" the bishop pressed with a determined little smirk. "Zosan isn't the kinda girl to allow herself to get taken hostage either, now is she?"

"That's because she wasn't taken hostage. She wouldn't have allowed it," Hakkai supported readily. He smiled over at Sanzo reassuringly. Of course, his only motive was to help get the priest's female personna out of a compromising situation. It had absolutely _nothing_ to do with him regaining control of the story line. No, most certainly not... completely innocent is what he was.

Goku shook his head as he listened to the many conflicting stories being passed around. "This is gettin' really stupid," he finally exclaimed. "How can all of you guys know th' story, but none of you can tell it right? I mean, c'mon! I wanna hear th' story, but it keeps changin' cuz you guys can't remember it th' way it's supposed to be told."

"Each story always has a different version of things, little fella," Hazel reasoned, unwilling to drop the thread now that he was involved. If he had his way, he would get his hands on the story once again. "This just happens to be the version I'm familiar with, which is also the most commonly known. Surely you've heard it as well, Mr. Spectacles?" The tone of the question clearly implied that Hakkai obviously hadn't and therefore was lacking mentally in some way.

Hakkai laughed, but for some reason it didn't sound at all like the man was amused. Goku shivered and wondered what exactly he'd missed between the bishop and the healer to warrant the hope-you-run-faster-than-my-chi-blast glare. He edged a little closer to Sanzo, just in case that actually did happen. "Ah, yes... I'm familiar with your version of the tale," Hakkai replied, smiling all the while. Gojyo gulped and carefully moved his chair a couple inches away from the possible explosion of bishop guts. "It's no surprise you're more familiar with the simple man's version, Mr. Hazel, rather than the more highly looked upon official one."

Hazel laughed as well, flicking his hand in Hakkai's direction as if the other man had said the most witty thing ever uttered. "My goodness, listen to us debatin' about this version versus that. Perhaps we should ask Mr. Sanzo which version _he's_ familiar with? After all, such a high rankin' monk as himself should know which version of the tale is most accurate." Cool blue eyes slid over to enraged violet once with mischevious amusment. "So, Mr. Sanzo, whose story is the true one? Or... is it possible you've heard an entirely different version than our own?"

Sanzo grit his teeth and glared at everyone around the table. The ghost girl was pointing frantically at Hazel, trying to influence him with picking the absolute smut that was the bishop's version. Hakkai was giving him that tight lipped smile that said he'd regret not picking his version. Gat couldn't give two shits about the story, he was just an unwilling spectator in all this. Gojyo smirked at him and arched a challenging brow, obviously trying to taunt him wordlessly into joining the fray. His eyes met Goku's last, and as was usual with the innocent, eager golden gaze he felt his annoyance start to slip away. Goku was waiting patiently for him to make his decision, his face almost rapturous in anticipation.

Sanzo sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily as he said with heavy resignation, "The version I'm familiar with is..."


End file.
